I have thought many times why do some people love you so much but they fail to deliver such beautiful emotions to you ? I myself went through this problem, like many of us, and I did not know why sometime the messages of saying I love you comes cross as different messages or the other party ca not see it at all.
I found part of the answer in one of books that I purchased a audio copy of as I do commute for a long time and I like to use my time efficiently. The book is called "The five love languages" by Gary Chapman.
In brief the books says that everyone has a main language of love through which the other party can communicate the best to him (some of us has more than one language of love but always there is a dominant one). The languages are per the book are:
- Quality Time
- Words of Affirmation
- Gifts
- Action of Service
- Physical Touch.
Many times, as a one source of dispute between partners or boyfriends, is that they speak different language of love. I may come late from work for a special event that I have already arranged for with my partner and as an excuse I buy a gift for him. He might be upset for missing the reservation that he had made before 3 weeks ago. When I give him the gift he threw it away and we have an argument. I feel insulted by his action. First, because he could not understand that I had to work late and second he did not appreciate my gift which I had to buy it with a "chunk" of bucks to make it up for him. If my partner language was "Words of Affirmation" the problem could have been solved or been avoided if I had called him a head of time and showed my "verbal" appreciation for his effort and all the trouble that he went through. The Gift was not a good idea as he does not recognize it a language of love. It is a mere gesture of apology for a lame messing up the occasion.
I believe once one understands his own language of love and learn the language of his partner, many misunderstanding could be avoided. It is not a magical solution, but showing my partner how much I love him for being in my life and sharing my all with him is a great thing. The book worth reading and if you do not have time like me you can listen to the audio version of it.
Do you know what is your language(s) of love? Well, one simple and direct way to know that is by asking yourself "How I like my partner to express his love to me?"
- Would a well wrapped gift next to your lazy boy make a big grin on your face and make you jump all over him when you see him? (Gift)
- Would a sensual cuddle and snuggle melt your heart and turn you into a new born puppy …. Just so happy and ready for action all Saturday afternoon? (Physical Touch)
- What about hearing "you will be my dessert after this meal;-) You really know how to cook honey. You make my life perfect in every single way" (Words of Affirmation)
- Would picking up your kids (from a previous marriage) from school when you are busy in a sudden meeting by your boyfriend or his doing all your tax account though he is struggling with that …makes your heart jump up and down ?(Action of Service)
- Or may be when your man takes you on a long vacation in a cottage where you both are involved in doing activities together and talk about many things regarding your future, dreams and problems makes you recognize him as the best man you've ever had in your life? (Quality Time)
Well, think about it and let your man think about it to. Do not be so strict about it as you may enjoy 2 or 3 languages. It is also fun to discover a side of your man that you have thought you knew so well….. an I do not mean that "side" that you are thinking of right now.
Love and Peace,
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