Sunday, May 31, 2009
Dangers at the park: Anonymous gay sex in Kuwait
Known locally as simply "The Park" the place these men gather is shrouded in secrecy and darkness. A clandestine meeting place for homosexuals, the Park is where some gay men in Kuwait go to meet others and engage in illicit encounters.
What takes place in the Park is public gay intercourse, starting from the early hours of the morning until short before midnight.
People don't go to the park very late at night for fear of attracting attention. There have been several raids on the park, and no one would want to attract attention to themselves by being there late at night. "It's not very safe, you never know what would happen," said one of the guys who goes to the place religiously.
What they want is understood by anyone who goes there: Sex. Casual, anonymous and often unsafe. What they risk is everything. Family, reputation, home, career and in some extreme cases, even their life.
Kuwait law considers homosexuality illegal. Article 193 of the Kuwaiti penal code punishes homosexuality between men over the age of 21 with up to seven years imprisonment. If a minor is involved in the action, the punishment goes up to a maximum of 10 years. More importantly, many of these men are married and they risk the lives and health of their wives and children, potentially exposing them to dangerous diseases.
But the rewards often outweigh the dangers.
It's great," says 27-year-old Kuwaiti homosexual Tariq, (not his real name). "I go there and get with anyone I find attractive." Tariq is married and has two daughters. He is gay though he is married.
Tariq says his family arrange his marriage, even though he didn't want to get married. "I only sleep with my wife because I want her to be happy. I don't want her to feel that I'm not satisfying her.
His wife is his cousin and the marriage was arranged before he graduated from university. To keep his wedding vows and maintain appearances, Tariq lives a double life. "It's very restricting. The idea of a contract is very limiting, you can't have your liberty, and you keep worrying about your family, and what if people find out about you?
Discretion and anonymity are key to the Park's attraction. Tariq says that he goes there because it is anonymous. "You don't need to talk to these guys, you just go there and you get what you want and leave, carry on living your day," he explains. "You don't need to tell them your name, you don't need to tell them where you work or what you do, you basically have no connection with them in your real life.
Even so many of the same men gather there day after day. Tariq says he stumbled upon people that he has been with several times. "They sort of circulate," he said, jokingly.
Some men find that it quickly becomes an addiction.
I used to go every single day for a while, even if I'm not doing it with anyone, I just go there to watch," 25-year old Dawood says. He points out that you don't need to give out any signals to people. " You don't need to talk to them about anything. All you have to do is just go there. Just be there, and they'll get the message.
The number of gay men who are out of the closet in Kuwait is very small, due to the fact that people still have their prejudice against the subject. Homosexuals themselves often think that what they are doing is a sin, and that one day they will repent.
It's not normal behavior," says Wael, a 30-year old Jordanian gay man. "Even if some people believe that it is normal, we are still living in an Arab society, and people still have their values and beliefs. They can't get rid of them all of a sudden. It has to take a long time.
Wael says that even those who claim to be open-minded will change their mind about homosexuality as soon as a relative comes out of the closet. "As long as it doesn't affect their immediate family, everyone is open-minded about gays and lesbians. But will they accept it if their brother or sister said they're homosexual? No.
Wael thinks that men who go to the park taint the picture of homosexuals. "We already suffer from their comments everywhere. They misrepresent us, we don't appear to them as normal people who only differ from others when it comes to sexual preferences. Instead we appear as a herd of wild animals whose only concern is sex," protested Wael.
A lot of those who go to the Park don't usually practice safety. "It doesn't come to you usually," says Tariq, while Dawood says he carries a pack of condoms with him all the time. "They usually come from outside countries, you never know if they have any STDs. And these people, they're like wh***s, they don't really care about STDs.
Tariq says that he never worried about STDs. "I think that what's supposed to happen to you will happen to you eventually. If I'm supposed to die, I'd leave this coffee shop right now and get hit by a car." He says that he does not like to think about him carrying any diseases to his wife and family.
The park is not only a place. It's a habit. The dangers are real and the harm that it may cause are irreparable. To the mostly in-the-closet homosexual community of Kuwait, the park may seem a place of freedom in a strict conservative society where they have never been accepted. But random sexual encounters without adequate protection are dangerous for anyone - regardless if you are in San Francisco or Kuwait or New York or Budapest. What takes place in the park may be known only to a few but the effects can have far reaching consequences.
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Source: http://www.kuwaittimes.net/read_news.php?newsid=MTI3MTUyNjA0OA==
Saturday, May 30, 2009
How to get your hands on a Transman By Raven Kaldera
All right, so you saw that cute guy across the room, and you ask your friends who he is, and they all whisper excitedly -- or contemptuously, or worriedly, or with sort of confused expressions on their faces -- that said cute guy was once a woman. Perhaps they are even less diplomatic. However, the more you look at him, the more interested you are, except for one thing. How do you approach someone like that? How do you get him interested, without offending him? And what if you actually do get him interested? What do you do with him then?
Or maybe you've just expressed your interest to a hot butch-looking woman, and she informs you that there's something you should know. She considers herself transgendered, and she feels as if she's really a man, and she's considering getting her body changed soon to reflect those feelings. And if you want her, you'd better start thinking of her as him. Now. Before you go any further.
One more note, before we go any further. The following tips are for dating people who are already clear about their transgendered status, including those who have already transitioned and got some body mods, and those who haven't but intend to. If your girlfriend of many years suddenly starts talking about getting a sex change, that's a whole different ball game, and one that is best covered by talking to SO's of transmen who went through that very situation. Try the SOFFA list at http://www.egroups.com/group/FTMSOs. They can also help you with a new flame who is struggling with question of whether to change or not. Get their advice. You are not alone.
But back to that hottie transman who is looking you right in the eye. First of all, unless they're the really shy type, transmen tend to make eye contact with you more often than bioguys do, because they've been raised women, and frequent eye contact is part of female training. He may know things that other men don't, which may take some getting used to, such as when you complain about your menstrual cramps and he looks at you with a sympathetic expression and says, "Yeah, I remember those. They were awful. Have you tried calcium supplements?" Some transmen, to their shock, have found that many women actually like having "feminine mysteries" that they can explain (or not) to men, and they are unnerved when a man already knows all about it. On the other hand, it can be a really nice thing to be able to say that you have to leave because your tampon is leaking, and have your date not give you the look of alien disgust.
Or, if you're male, when you make an off hand comment about not knowing what women want when they say such-and-so, and having the transman across the table shift in his seat and say, "Well, when I was living as a girl and I said such-and-so, I meant this." There's a certain dissonance in dating a man with a female history, if you're not used to it. However, it can give you great insights into the way things really happen around gender expectations.
Your transman may also not know things about being a man that most men just pick up by the time they're in their teens, such as how men use teasing and insults as both affection and dominance play, and he may have a hard time adapting to that without offence. If he didn't have time as a traditional butch who dated femmes, he may not be well versed in much of standard heterosexual courtship and may miss cues. Don't give him hell for it, or even tell him that it's "the expected thing to do." Tell him it's something you like, that makes you feel good. That's positive reinforcement.
You may have to defend your choice of love interest to your friends and family if you're dating a person of nonstandard gender. If you're a gay man or lesbian, you may be accused by peers of going straight. Lesbians dating transmen may be plagued with friends who refuse to see him as anything but female, and who may deliberately screw up on pronouns. If you're a straight woman, you may be accused of lesbianism, and if you're a straight man, well, you're going to have to admit that you're not as straight as you thought you were. If you really want this guy, however, you're just going to have to deal with the harassment and be firm about it. Real friends are happy for you, and don't get weird about your lover's genitals or preferred gender. Anyone else can just shove it. Repeat this to yourself often.
On a similar tack, if your transman is out of the closet and open about who and what he is, he made that decision for strong personal reasons that he believes in. Don't ever ask him to go back in just for your personal comfort or embarrassment. Conversely, if he's in the closet, don't out him without permission.
One of the most important things about dating (and boffing) a transgendered person is that we really need to you express to us that you see us as the gender we are. If your particular transman hasn't made any body mods and still looks, for all intents and purposes, like a woman, this is often a difficult request. That's where that imagination thing gets used, all right? Concentrate on the things that seem male about him, both physically and mentally. Even if you can't quite handle the mental editing needed to do it, use your imagination and treat it as a role-play. If that seems too much for you to deal with on a regular basis, then he isn't right for you.
Things to do to show him that you do consider him male: Get his pronouns right. If he's a top, call him "sir"; if a bottom, "boy" is usually OK. If that dynamic doesn't enter your relationship, "my boyfriend", or "my gentleman friend", or "that cute guy" will help. If he wants certain parts of his anatomy called certain things, go with it. (For example, one pre- mastectomy FTM was all right with having his breasts touched, but only if his lover referred to them as "pecs".) But don't try so hard that you overdo it and look like you're humoring him, as in: "Fuck me, you big macho hunk!"
"So what was your real name?" Next time I'll tell 'em it was Richard, OK? Don't follow this up with a list of transpeople that you know and all their former names, either.
"So you're still like a girl in bed, right?" No. It's amazing how little anatomy determines one's sexual behavior.
"Why do you have to change your body so radically in order to have people treat you like you want?" If you're asking this question, your world view is obviously not ready for a transman to play a major role in your life. Suffice it to say that until you understand, at least vaguely, the concept of body dysphoria that has little or nothing to do with culture, it's better not to bother. Your politics will not change him, and it'll only be frustrating for both of you.
"How can you say anything about feminism? You gave up being a woman." Yes, but you can't erase 30 years of your personal history and experience. Some transmen consider themselves feminists, and some don't. I've been known to wear a "Feminist On Testosterone" button myself.
However, I've found that even rabid feminism gets modified slightly by actually living as a man for a time (something I sometimes wish all women could do for a little while, with the reverse true as well, of course) and he may not toe the party line on all things. Even if you discuss these things, even if you argue about them, don't be tempted to call him a traitor, or tell him that since he gave up being female, he has nothing to say about it. Don't disqualify the third-gender perspective; a little objectivity is sometimes a good thing. Besides, as I pointed out to one such accuser, I may have decreased the number of strong women by one, but I increased the number of men sensitive to women's issues (and willing to be role models) by one, and that's an even smaller category. Nobody's come up with an answer to that one yet.
"If you're not going to get a dick, why do you want to be a man?" 9 out of 10 transmen do not get phalloplasties. This is partly because the surgery is way, way less than ideal, and they may not want to sacrifice nerve endings that work for a possible disaster. Frankly, were I a genetic factory-equipped male, I would be downright offended by the idea that my dick was the only defining, or important, item with regards to my manhood. We are much more than our genitals. If you can't deal with a man with a vagina, go elsewhere.
"But you're such an attractive woman!" OR "I'll bet you were a really attractive woman!" Yes, and I bet I'll be a really cute guy, too -- wanna stick around and watch? ...alternatively... Actually, I was an ugly, mean bitch. Amazing what a little testosterone will do for ya.
"Can I see your pussy?" Can I see your asshole? Here, bend over this chair for me and spread'em! Seriously, there is something about a transsexual that makes ordinary people think that they can ask all sorts of stupid questions about one's genitals that they'd never, never dream of asking a non-trans person. Don't do this. You will be more likely to get a chance to see it if you are polite and friendly and interesting and we think you're cute.
Infantilizing names such as "Babe," "Sugar," "Kitten." Oh, come on, what are you trying to prove?
"I knew you were one of those. I could just sense it." This is most offensive when it comes right after you come out to someone, and they give you The Look Of Absolute Shock, and then have the balls to tell you that they "somehow knew." Even if by some miracle talent of trannyvision they did know, this is not likely to put the transman of your choice at ease about his passing ability. It will likely raise the tension level rather than lower it.
"You're the best of both worlds." Be careful with this one. Some transmen do consider themselves something in between male and female, and would be complimented by that. Others consider themselves men, work very hard to be accepted as men, and would take great offense. Best not to say it until you're certain which variety you've got.
"Do you like being fucked up the cunt?" This is especially offensive when said to a fully transitioned FTM in a public restaurant, particularly while the waitress is standing right there. A better way to ask would be, "How do you like to fuck?" or "What sex acts get you hot and what turns you off?" But really, don't even start to ask until it's been made very clear that, yes, he does want to do the mattress dance with you.
"Are you stone?" Not every FTM came out of the lesbian community and has read his Leslie Feinberg primer. Don't assume that he used to be a dyke unless you know that to be the case. This term may well make an FTM who hasn't heard it think that you're asking him if he is a piece of granite, or he may wonder if you are asking him for marijuana. Even if he does understand it, he may not want to answer it, if an answer would make you think of him in butch lesbian rather than male terms. "Did you hate being a dyke?" or "Do you hate dykes?" are in the same category.
"I know this sex change must have been hard for you." Really? How do you know that? For some people, transition is the best thing that ever happened to them. If we want to bring up our emotions about our TG-ness, we will do so in time. Don't assume you know how any of it feels. Often, when people say this, one senses that it is them who are having a hard time with our sex change.
"You're so exotic," "You're so fascinating," "I'm simply fascinated by you." These can come across as patronizing. I personally think I'm exotic, but many FTMs see themselves as regular guys with a difficult history. The last one also has a bug-under-a-microscope feel to it.
"But you're so short!" Oh, please. Sit down and you'll see how much that matters. Calling your transman "Little Guy" or such terms is also unlikely to win points.
"Did it hurt?" (in reference to surgery) Duh, of course it hurt. Major surgery does, even when they give you lots of morphine. Don't be dumb. Better things to concentrate on might be, "You're very brave to go through such hard experiences to be yourself; most people wouldn't," or something like that.
"Hey, guys don't do that!" or "That's not very masculine behavior." I am amazed how so many people feel that they're being "helpful" in pointing out how a transman's behavior varies form the stereotypical male norm. Believe me, your transman has probably spent more time watching and mirroring male behavior than you, even if you're male yourself. If he chooses not to do a particular masculine behavior, it may be because he considers it personally oppressive, so why should he? Some of us, after being shoved into one tiny little box for the first part of our lives, have no wish to climb into a different tiny little box and close the lid. In fact, after years as a woman, some forms of male behavior seem awfully silly. (I'll never forget watching a self-professed feminist woman lecturing an FTM on how his gestures weren't masculine enough.) And if your transman is trying hard to act in a traditionally masculine manner and he slipped for a moment, you'll just embarrass him.
Trying to show him how male you think he is by playfully punching him in the shoulder or trying to give him knuckle noogies is not helpful. Any behaviors you might pull on an obnoxious younger brother should be avoided.
"When people use jargon, I think they're not being sincere" as a response to him using words common in the trans community, such as transman, FTM, tranny, transgender, packie, diclit, etc. Let's face it, the words needed to describe FTM sexuality do not exist in most people's vocabulary. If you're going to date him, you need to learn the language. Don't be afraid to ask, "And what does that mean to you?" but don't put him down for using terms you don't know yet.
"Hand her the...oops, I'm sorry! No, really, I think of you as a guy, it's just that it's hard to remember...." Pronoun mishaps are the single biggest problem in dealing with transfolk. It makes us wince, and we generally consider all slips to be Freudian. Do try your damndest to get it right, even if that means chanting a little mantra under your breath of "Jonathan-he, Jonathan-he, Jonathan-he likes to rollerblade, Jonathan-he likes garlic," etc. If you do slip, don't go into a string of profuse apologies. Something simple like, "Damn, I screwed up. I'll do better next time," will do, especially in public where there's no need to call more attention to the slip. If you're dealing with a pre-transitioned FTM and it's really hard for you to remember it, avoid pronouns altogether and just go with names, as in, "Hand it to Chris."
If you're dating a fully-transitioned transman, who looks like a normal guy -- and nearly all of us pass really well after testosterone and mastectomies -- and you get to the taking-off-your-clothes part with him, it's real important not to choke up when finally faced with his genitalia. Some people, unfortunately, do the deer-in-headlights thing when the dissonance of this male body without the "expected" dangling male genitals hits them. The minds of some biomen, especially, may instinctively think "castration!" and they may even flinch. If you're even slightly afraid that you may react this way, I suggest that you buy Loren Cameron's book "Body Alchemy" and study the photos until you're more familiar with the anatomical dissonance of a transman's body.
Believe me, he does not need your negative reaction to genitals he may already feel ambivalent about. He is less thrilled than you, or anyone else on the planet, that he was not born with a factory-equipped penis. The last thing he needs is to have to worry about you freaking out. Of course, to be fair, some transmen are so dysphoric about their crotches that they will not have sex the first time - or the first few times - or ever - without a strap-on dildo, or their underwear on, or some such. Some will not allow you to touch them there. It's certainly fair to ask whether there may come a time when they will trust you enough to let you handle their genitals, and what you can do to facilitate that trust.
However, if the answer is, "Not until after I've had surgery," or "Never, and it's my problem, and there's nothing you can do," then you'll just have to make your own decision as to whether this is a situation you can handle emotionally. Pushing your transman to a level of physical intimacy he's not ready for will trigger his dysphoria and make things worse.
There's a whole continuum of genital dysphoria among transguys. Some are "stone," and will be until they get surgical penises. Some are perfectly happy to use every inch of erogenous tissue they have, up to and including penetration there, as long as you can prove to them that you think of them as men even while your fist is buried in their cunts. Some will fall somewhere in between, perhaps wanting to start out the sex with a strap-on, or concentrating first on your genitals, and perhaps letting you deal with theirs when they know you better and trust you. Some are fine with what's between their legs, but if they still have breasts, they may prefer that you ignore them.
The best thing to do is let your transman take the lead in talking about his body and sexuality. If he's shy, tell him you're unshockable (and be that way), but he has to let you know how you can make him feel good. If you really want him, let him know it. Feeling desired is important to us; many of us have secret fears that in getting the bodies we wanted, we've alienated the rest of the world. The gift of your desire for us just as we are, not as you or anyone else thinks we should be or hopes we will become, is a good thing for anyone's self-esteem.
Raven Kaldera is an intersexual transgendered FTM activist, organic farmer, parent, shaman, pagan minister, safe SM teacher, whose writings are scattered hither and yon। His hobby is tilting at erotic windmills। 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. Copyright 1999-2000, Raven Kaldera /Scarlet Letters. All Rights Reserved.
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The original source link: http://www.otherbear.com/handson.html
Friday, May 29, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Gender Identity & Sexual Orientation
People express their sexuality in many different ways; there is no right or wrong way to be. You have the right to identify with the gender and sexual orientation of your choice without fear of discrimination in education, healthcare, social and political participation; and to live free of verbal and/or physical assault.
Gender Identities: At birth, we are assigned one of two genders, usually based on our visible genitals. For many people this gender assignment fits and feels comfortable and they never think about it further. Others do not feel as comfortable with their assigned gender, either because they find the two-gender system too limiting or because they feel more identification with the gender opposite that to which they were assigned at birth. People deal with this discomfort in many ways, sometimes only in personal ways, and sometimes in ways visible to others.
Sexual Orientation: Sexual orientation refers to one's sexual and romantic attraction. Those whose sexual orientation is to people of the opposite sex are called "heterosexual", those whose sexual orientation is to people of the same sex are called "homosexual" (or lesbian or gay), and those whose sexual orientation is to people of both sexes are called "bisexual." Sexual orientation is not necessarily the same as sexual behaviour.
GLBTT2IQQ – what does it mean?
Gay - A man who is romantically/sexually attracted to or involved with other men; also used as an umbrella term for everyone who has same-sex romantic/sexual attractions or relations.
Lesbian - A woman who is romantically/sexually attracted to or involved with other women.
Bisexual - A person who is romantically/sexually attracted to or involved with both men and women.
Transgender (or trans) – is an umbrella term that includes people who do not fit traditional male or female roles and expectations, and/or who identify with a gender other than the one assigned at birth (e.g., women who feel like men, or men who feel like women). Transgender does not imply any specific form of sexual orientation. Individuals in the transgender community express themselves in different ways. This can include adopting the clothing and/or behaviours of the opposite or both genders, use of hormones and/or gender reassignment surgery.
Transsexual – Individuals whose gender identity is not in keeping with their physical bodies. They may desire to, or have modified their body through hormones and/or surgical procedures in order to bring their body closer to their gender identity.
2 - Two-spirited is a term for individuals who are considered to be neither women nor men among many First Nations groups. It often implies a masculine spirit and a feminine spirit living in the same body. It is also used by some contemporary gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, queer and intersex First Nations people to describe themselves. There are many indigenous terms for these individuals in the various First Nations languages.
Intersex - A person whose sex chromosomes, genitalia and/or secondary sex characteristics (e.g. facial hair, breasts) are determined to be neither exclusively male nor female. An intersex person may have biological characteristics of both the male and female sexes. The intersex community has generally rejected the term ‘hermaphodite’ as out-dated. Intersex people may or may not identify as part of the transgender community.
Queer - Some people prefer to be called queer rather than gay, lesbian, bisexual, or trans. For some people the term queer is positive and empowering.
Questioning - People who are either experimenting with or exploring their sexuality, or who refuse to label their sexual orientation.
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Original Source:
http://cfsh.ca/_pvw84B76CF8/Sexual_Health_Info/Gender-Identity-and-Sexual-Orientation/
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Plans for a GLBT-supportive retirement community in the DC area
Through a bit of serendipity, one of her residents has a lesbian daughter. That minor connection has put Douglass on the path of bringing a GLBT retirement community to the area. First, local attorney Rozanne Look sent out an e-mail broadcast looking for others interested in the gay community and aging. Susan Hester, founder and former executive director of The Mautner Project national lesbian health organization, responded. Hester is friends with the daughter of Douglass's resident. And now this triumvirate is shopping around for a site to build their ''Open Circle Community.''
''We've got some extraordinary skill sets between the three of us,'' says Douglass. ''We've been working passionately to make this work, and it's happening.''
What's happening, exactly, is that these three women are hoping to open a sort of GLBT -- though not exclusively so -- retirement community in the vicinity.
''For the last year, we've been working to develop an active, planned community for LGBT elders and allies,'' says Douglass of what will be a for-profit enterprise, but designed for a range of incomes. While gay retirement villages have begun sprouting up elsewhere around the country on a limited scale, Douglass says Open Circle will be different.
''One of the differences we feel about our community is that it's to 'age in place,''' Douglass explains. ''That means we're looking at a retirement-type setting where, as your health-care needs change, we would provide those services. It would be assisted living, and eventually nursing care, or hospice or palliative care.''
The first step is finding a site. Douglass says they've got a survey company looking at prospective locations in the D.C. area, a bit further out in Maryland, and in Delaware. But while this may all seem very preliminary, Douglass says there is no question that the Open Circle Community is on its way.
''It will absolutely happen,'' she says without hesitation. ''We're all very committed to this. We're working with individual and institutional investors. There is a great need for this kind of community. It's exciting and very needed.''
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Steps To Avoiding A Hate Crime : Hate Crimes Based on Sexual Orientation
These crimes can't always be avoided, but there are some precautions you can take as a LGBT person to help minimize your chances of being attacked.
- Avoid Dark or Isolated Places
Predators can lurk anywhere, but there are fewer people in quiet places and empty street that can assist you should you need help. So, be sure to stay in areas where there are many people. Dark places such as alleys and parking structures should also be avoided. Besides giving potential attackers a place to hide, darker places tend to make it more difficult for you to see what or who is around you. - Know Your Surroundings
Avoid surprises by knowing what and who's around you at all times. Does the neighborhood you're visiting have an anti-gay reputation? Does the bar you're heading to welcome gay patrons? Be aware and consider the answers to these questions and any others that may affect your safety. - Never Travel Alone
Try to travel or commute with a buddy, friend or person you trust. Safety can come in numbers, especially when walking at night or in unknown places. - Know Where You Are
Make a mental note of your location, street names, intersections and landmarks. Not only will this help you get to safety should you need to, the authorities are better able to locate you should you call for assistance. You can save valuable seconds by knowing your location. - Say No to Strangers
Never except rides from strangers and always trust your instincts. If you are stranded or in a bind, call a relative or friend to assist you and wait for them in a well-lit and busy area. - Plan An Escape Route
This may seem like an activity reserved for spies like 007 or bank robbers, but it's always a good idea for everyone to plan an exit or visually identify an escape route in every situation (the club, a parking lot, the convenience store, etc.). In a situation where you have to act fast, knowing an escape route can buy you valuable seconds. - Keep Your Cell Phone Ready
You may be able access your cell phone quickly, but how fast can you dial emergency numbers? Many cell phones come with speed dial features or programmable codes for quick access to numbers. Program your local police station or 911. Take a few seconds to practice accessing emergency number in haste (Don't actually dial during your practice run, but be prepared to do it if you find yourself in danger). Even one dry run can help you out of a potentially unsafe situation. - Leave a Trail
Find a trusted friend or family member whom you can keep updated on your whereabouts. While on a blind date some time back, the guy that I was with made it a point to call his best friend to let him know that a) everything was ok, b) what color car I drove and c) my license plate number. At first I thought his actions were extreme, but soon realized how impressive it was that he was concerned enough for his own safety to leave a trail. If you prefer to have more privacy (especially when meeting strangers) leave your destination at home on a sticky note or where it can be easily found. Even if you don't want to disclose your destination, leave the person's name, number and some other means of description where it can be easily found. That way you can be helped more quickly.
LGBT people too often fall victim to random acts of violence, most of which don't get national attention like the Matthew Shepard attack. That's why making these safety techniques standard practice can greatly increase your chances of avoiding a hate crime.
By Ramon Johnson, About.com
FREE MEDITATION TECHNIQUES
A very comprehensive site for the novice and the sage. Click the picture and get some more information.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
The World History of Male Love (RECOMMENDED SITE)
Sub-Saharan Africa
Much of the history of homosexual love in pre-colonial Africa has probably been lost for good. Pre-colonial Africa was largely made up of non-literate cultures that left no written records and the colonial powers were not inclined to document practices they considered "beastly"; they were already busy suppressing homosexuality at home. However, knowledge of some examples did survive, such as the boy marriage tradition among Azande warriors, and the gay sex customs at the court of the Kabaka (king) of the Buganda. It would be a stretch to call it "gay love" since those who did not submit to penetration - as a result of having recently been indoctrinated into Christian beliefs - were decapitated.
Arab Lands
From Andalusia under the Moors to North Africa and the Middle East, Arab cultures have made space for male love, even
though that space has often been hidden by a curtain of silence. Women are closely guarded in Arab society and thus unavailable for illicit relationships. Youths and men therefore have traditionally turned to each other for love and sexual relief. This love manifested in many ways. At one extreme it was a chaste religious practice where Sufi holy men gazed upon the beauty of a boy to come closer to God. At the other extreme, libertine poets like Abu Nuwas celebrated their gay conquests over unwilling or drunk boys.Classical Greece
The most civilized culture in antiquity also developed a highly evolved form of homosexual love. In ancient Greece love between males, or more precisely, love between young men and adolescent boys, was harnessed for the good of the state and of the lovers. Though not strictly gay love as we know it today, it was founded on the erotic passion between two males. It was held that the youth was enriched by the friendship of his lover and that the man strove to attain heights of achievement, in battle, sports or his profession, to be worthy of his beloved. These partnerships of lovers were said to make men undefeatable in battle. Seen in that light, one wonders what all the fuss is today in the US about gay soldiers.
Renaissance Italy
The list of Italian men of the fourteen, fifteen, and sixteen hundreds who are known to have had gay relationships reads like a who's who of artists and scientists: Marsilio Ficino did it with Giovanni Cavalcanti; Leonardo da Vinci did it with Salai (some say that is why his portrait was refused the honor of the modern Euro note); Benedetto Varchi did it with Giovanni de' Pazzi; Michelangelo did it with Cecchino de' Bracci and wrote a sonnet to celebrate it; Pope Julius III did it with Cardinal Innocenzo Ciocchi Del Monte; Benvenuto Cellini did it with Fernando di Giovanni di Montepulciano, kicked the boy out and was denounced by his spurned lover; Prospero Farinacci did it with Berardino Rocchi . . . but what is it that they all did? That was the business of the special police force, the "Gentlemen of the Night," that monitored men's wayward genitals in Florence of the time. Suffice it to say that they fell in love with each other, intoxicated by beauty and inspired by the recently re-discovered teachings of the ancients.
Northern Europe
Though it is true that many Northern Europeans who were gay at heart traveled to Italy or North Africa to satisfy their homosexual desires, others plied their gay love at home. We do not know very much about the great majority who got away with it. They are a great invisible mass, like the submerged part of an iceberg. Usually, the ones we know about were the few who came to mischief. Among them is the great Russian composer Tchaikovsky, who had a fiery gay love affair with his teenage nephew and then was forced to commit suicide when he tried to seduce a nobleman's son. Another composer, Beethoven, was also deeply in love with his nephew, who finally tried to shoot himself in the head to escape his uncle's obsessive love. The loss of the boy plunged Beethoven into a deep depression which he did not survive. Their conversation books were destroyed by Beethoven's biographer as they were too incriminating. Jules Verne also had a misadventure with a nephew and a gun, only this time he was the target of the distraught boy. The nature of their relationship is not clear, but his love for the school boy Aristide Briand, later prime-minister of France, is well known. And let's not forget the paramount playwright of all time, William Shakespeare, who had the nerve and the genius to write one hundred and twenty six sonnets to his beloved youth, and only twenty five to his beloved lady.India
Northern India under Mughal rule was a haven for gay love. Its icon has to be Mahmud of Ghazni, who deeply loved his boy slave, Ayaz. Their love has become a paragon of ideal love, perhaps analogous to that of Romeo and Juliet in the West. In a telling anecdote, Mahmud asks Ayaz, "who is the most powerful ruler in the world?" "I am the most powerful," Ayaz, the beloved slave replies. The confused king asks his slave boy to explain. "You, Mahmud, are the most powerful of all kings," says Ayaz. "But since I rule your heart, I am more powerful still." In popular lore the two were said to be each other's slave, Ayaz a slave in deed and Mahmud a slave of love.
China Love between men in China begins with the very beginning of history, with the first (semi-legendary) ruler, the Yellow Emperor. Historians claimed he was the first to establish the custom of taking a male bedmate. Many, if not most Chinese emperors had gay lovers. The tradition was known as the Way of the Cut Sleeve, or the Way of the Bitten Peach. China also stands out as one of the richest sources of erotic homosexual art. Sadly, only a small fraction has been preserved, as most of it was destroyed in the "Cultural" Revolution.
Japan
In an uncanny parallel with ancient Greece, Japan also possessed a rich and profound culture of love between men. All the shoguns had male lovers and the custom was one of the pillars of the samurai pedagogical tradition. Japanese erotic art, in the form of gay shunga, is refined and sophisticated. While much erotic shunga was destroyed during the era of Westernization--entire warehouses of erotic shunga prints were burned by the American occupying forces after WWII--a great deal survived and can be found in museums and treasured private collections of erotic art. It shows the endless ways men can love and make love with each other, and is marked with passion and humor.
Oceania
This land of countless tribes could boast an equal number of love customs until the recent occupation by Western powers and the forcible destruction of native customs. Among the lost traditions (replaced, presumably, with television and imported whiskey) is the tradition that included universal homosexuality. The Melanesian pattern involved young boys taking in the semen of a young man, often a relative, in order to attain masculinity. Upon reaching manhood, the former beloved would take a lover of his own, while the boy's mentor would leave the pleasure of gay sex behind and find himself a wife. The custom died out as soon as it was exposed to Western scrutiny and Christian dogma.
Pre-Colombian AmericaThe Mayan people, among their many cultural achievements, also developed a tradition of male love. One aspect involved nobles acquiring a slave or servant to be the playmate and bedmate of their son. Another aspect may have involved relations between an older chief and younger officials.
Native America
In The Two-Spirit tradition a child is recognized as different at a young age and brought up in the ways of the opposite sex. The custom is still honored among many Native American tribes today. Two-spirit people are thought to be endowed with special powers and are often respected as exceptional medicine people. In recent times, some two-spirits have transitioned between the gay world and the traditionalist world.
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Please click on the first picture to be directed to the main page of the site or you can click on this link http://www.gay-art-history.org/
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Some of Rumi's Love poem
1." Why should I seek? I am the same as he.
His essence speaks through me.
I have been searching for myself!"
2. "A lover asked his beloved,
Do you love yourself more than you love me?
Beloved replied, I have died to myself and I live for you.
I've disappeared from myself and my attributes,
I am present only for you.
I've forgotten all my learnings,
but from knowing you I've become a scholar.
I've lost all my strength, but from your power I am able.
I love myself ... I love you.
I love you ... I love myself."
3. "I am amazed by meeting you
I am an idea, like many that you have
My image and my ideas are by your existence
It seems, that I am your words and the meanings (as well)…
A pleasant moment makes me like a flower garden,
A moment makes me like withered winter,
By one breath he makes me scholar and instructor
In another, he makes me a school child”
4. "With the Beloved's water of life, no illness remains
In the Beloved's rose garden of union, no thorn remains.
They say there is a window from one heart to another
How can there be a window where no wall remains?"
Monday, May 18, 2009
Homosexuality, the Bible and much more....
I have found this site and I like it. It talks about homosexuality and the Bible and many related issues with similar theme. Clock on the image above to check out the site. Amor y paz.
SIDE-BAR Edward Murzin: A 'Politician' Who Gave More For Gay Pride Than Most Gays Themselves
But he did an unusual thing for a politician – something that marked him as not a politician at all. He listened to a persecuted minority within his district and despite their unpopularity, he stood up for what is right, and paid a higher price for fighting against inequality of gays than most gays themselves.
It's not like he set out to become a martyr. In his humility, he freely admits that he didn't know what he wa s getting into when he, as a politician, stood up for gay equality in anti-gay official Russia.
"I didn't know [that] it would be so unpopular. I wasn't so aware. I didn't know what would happen if I protected gay rights. I had people in my region who are gay, and they asked me to protect their rights."
"I [knew] I could go to the election, and all the people in my section would vote for me. They're not going to change their minds because I protect gays, but the authorities didn't like that." They refused to allow him to run for re-election and he lost his job.
"Now I feel that homophobia is real (he laughs). And I will participate next year in gay actions like Slavik Pride because I think it is one of the main points to change society."
For doing the right thing he paid a high price. He lost his job and is unemployed in a region of the world where unemployment and destitution far surpasses what most of us in the United States experience.
"Now I work as an [unpaid] human rights20activist. I'm not a politician anymore."
And his concerns are not limited to gays alone. Fascist violence against national minorities in Russia is endemic, with "non-white" peoples of Asian Russia and the Caucuses routinely subjected to unofficial violence and official harassment. The blatant discrimination is so rife that even a few of the guidebooks to Moscow that I purchased before my visit specifically warned people who couldn't pass for European, that they would likely face harassment by police on the streets of the city."Every year, violence in the field of xenophobia rises in Russia, 18% or 20% per year," said Murzin. "We have to be more tolerant to survive, because in Russia we are multinational. I am a human rights activist."
A far more honorable "profession," albeit poorly paid.
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http://gayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2009/05/18/behind-the-scenes-story-of-2009-gay-pride-in-moscow/Saturday, May 16, 2009
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M A 'BEAR'?
Thank you guys at JCTB.
There are a number of quite easy tests you can apply to check your 'beary-ness':
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If you've been told you're too straight to be gay -- you might be a bear.
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If you pre-fur some facial hair (yours and/or his) when you suck face --- you might be a bear.
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If you dig Dolly 'cause she sings pretty and don't notice her shape --- you might be a bear.
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If shaving is more likely to involve pubic vs. facial hair -- you might be a bear.
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If you'd rather go to the auto show instead of the ballet -- you might be a bear.
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If when you and your buddy go camping you pack only one sleeping bag -- you might be a bear.
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If you're a meat and potatoes guy and hate quiche -- you might be a bear.
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If you'd rather line dance than 'shake your booty' -- you might be a bear.
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If you know what your mechanic is talking about -- you might be a bear.
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If when someone says "Mary" you look around for the woman in the crowd -- you might be a bear.
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If getting ready for a date on Saturday night means a shower and a fresh pair of jeans -- you might be a bear.
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If you find yourself more interested in the faculty than the students of your local community college -- you might be a bear.
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If you read (??) 'Men' and sometimes think even those guys are too young or too smooth -- you might be a bear.
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If a guy smelling of honest sweat makes you light headed -- you might be a bear.
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If you've fixed something around the house in the last month -- you might be a bear.
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If you prefer lounging in your underwear and don't own a smoking jacket -- you might be a bear.
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If you think pilsner glasses are for sissies and drink right from the can -- you might be a bear.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Viral Hipatitis
Transmission: Ingestion of fecal matter, even in microscopic amounts, from close person-to-person contact or ingestion of contaminated food or drinks.
Vaccination: Hepatitis A vaccination is recommended for all children starting at age 1 year, travelers to certain countries, and others at risk.
Hepatitis B is a liver disease caused by the hepatitis B virus (HBV). It ranges in severity from a mild illness, lasting a few weeks (acute), to a serious long-term (chronic) illness that can lead to liver disease or liver cancer.
Transmission: Contact with infectious blood, semen, and other body fluids from having sex with an infected person, sharing contaminated needles to inject drugs, or from an infected mother to her newborn.
Vaccination: Hepatitis B vaccination is recommended for all infants, older children and adolescents who were not vaccinated previously, and adults at risk for HBV infection.
Transmission: Contact with the blood of an infected person, primarily through sharing contaminated needles to inject drugs.
Vaccination: There is no vaccine for hepatitis C
Hepatitis D is a serious liver disease caused by the hepatitis D virus (HDV) and relies on HBV to replicate. It is uncommon in the United States.
Transmission: Contact with infectious blood, similar to how HBV is spread.
Hepatitis E is a serious liver disease caused by the hepatitis E virus (HEV) that usually results in an acute infection. It does not lead to a chronic infection. While rare in the United States, hepatitis E is common in many parts of the world.
Transmission: Ingestion of fecal matter, even in microscopic amounts; outbreaks are usually associated with contaminated water supply in countries with poor sanitation.
Vaccination: There is currently no FDA-approved vaccine for hepatitis E.
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http://www.cdc.gov/hepatitis/index.htmRussian lesbian couple denied marriage license
By Mansur Mirovalev – 12 May 2009 MOSCOW (AP) — Supporters considered it a historic moment: two radiant women applied for a marriage license in a Moscow government office, claiming to be the first same-sex female couple to try to marry in Russia.
But a flustered-looking official denied their application Tuesday, a move that gay rights activists say symbolizes the refusal of many Russian officials to recognize the rights of the country's gay and lesbian communities. Registry office director Svetlana Potamoshneva, seemingly embarrassed, handed them a written rejection and said Russian law recognizes only marriages between a man and a woman.
Irina Fedotova and Irina Shipitko said they would not give up.
"We won't stop in midstream," Fedotova told journalists later, saying she and her partner plan to get married in Canada. She said Russia recognizes marriages registered abroad, thus allowing the couple to formalize their relationship.
The event was the first of two this week that will put the issue of gay rights — which many Russians regard as controversial — on the public stage in Moscow.
Fedotova and Shepitko sought to marry ahead of a gay pride parade Saturday, scheduled to coincide with the finals of the Eurovision Song Contest. Gay rights activists hope the media covering the event also will focus on their cause.
Radio Netherlands reported Monday that the Dutch singer Gordon would boycott the contest if parade is broken up violently.
Moscow authorities have banned the march, and religious and nationalist groups said Tuesday they have asked for permission to hold a counter-demonstration in central Moscow.
"The gay parade is ... an act of spiritual terrorism," said Mikhail Nalimov, chairman of the Union of Orthodox Christian Youth.
His deputy, Dmitry Terekhov, said the parade was in part aimed at converting people to homosexuality. "This must be stopped by radical methods, but without violence naturally," he said.
In some countries, gays have won increasing acceptance — including the right to marry — but in many nations of the former Communist bloc homophobia remains rampant.
Decades of official persecution of Russian gays ended in 1993 with the decriminalization of homosexuality, but opposition to gay rights remains widespread. Russian spiritual leaders have claimed that homosexuality threatens the country's traditional values.
There are no official estimates of how many gays and lesbians live in Russia, and only a few big cities such as Moscow and St. Petersburg have gay nightclubs and gyms.
Russian gay rights movement leader Nikolai Alexeyev said several gay male couples have attempted to wed since the mid-1990s, but officials rejected those efforts.
In 2006, gay activists trying to lay flowers at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier just outside the Kremlin wall were arrested by riot police and harangued by religious and ultranationalist group members.
Last year, at least one gay rights activist was assaulted during a small protest in Moscow while uniformed police officers stood by and watched.
Dancer and singer Boris Moiseyev, one of Russia's few openly gay pop stars, said in March he received death threats from Muslim activists. His extravagant shows have been banned in several Russian cities, and the Orthodox Church condemned him for "propagating sodomy and sin."
Meanwhile, despite their rejection of a marriage license in Moscow on Tuesday, Fedotova and Shepitko — wearing suits and bow ties and holding flowers — held hands and kissed. They said they would continue to fight for recognition of gay rights in Russia.
Fedotova, a 30-year-old public relations consultant, said she has lived through years of threats and intimidation and wants to a marriage equal to that of heterosexual couples.
She said she met Shipitko, a 32-year-old fashion designer, five years ago and they have both "reached marriage age for sure."
Associated Press writer Peter Leonard contributed to this report.
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http://gayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2009/05/13/russian-lesbian-couple-irina-fedotova-and-irina-shipitko-denied-marriage-license/
Latvia (Lettonie): Riga Bans Baltic Pride
The planned Baltic Pride march due to take place on Saturday in Riga, Latvia, has been banned by city officials.
The parade had previously been approved but a majority of city council members wrote to executive director Andris Grinbergs, demanding permission to be withdrawn on the grounds that the march was offensive to public decency and posed a threat to public security.
They threatened that if permission was not withdrawn by 4pm today, they would have the decision overruled by a vote in the city council.
The march has been organised by Latvian organisation Mozaika, the Lithuanian Gay League and Estonian Gay Youth.
They plan to contest the decision in court.
Kaspars Zalitis, coordinator of Latvia's Amnesty International Youth Group, told the Baltic Times that the decision was illegal.
He said: "This is extremely illegal and is based only on hatred. The decision should only be taken if there was extreme danger and the police have assured us they have all the resources in place to protect us."
The groups had expected 700 people to join the parade.
Amnesty International has also expressed its disappointment at the decision.
Nicola Duckworth, director of the Europe and Central Asia programme at the organisation, said: "This is a disgraceful move by the Riga city council.
"The decision is unlawful under Latvian law and violates the rights of Baltic LGBT people to freedom of expression and peaceful assembly.
"The council should immediately reverse its decision and allow the march. Amnesty International fully supports the legal challenge by the organisers."
The European Intergoup on Gay and Lesbian Rights has sent letters to both the president and prime minister of Latvia, reminding the country of its duty under the European Convention of Human Rights.
Intergroup president Michael Cashman MEP wrote: "I urge you to use your authority to not let Latvia be in breach of European human rights liabilities in regard to the Baltic Pride parade scheduled for 16th May.
"But I also urge you to tackle the situation in longer term and employ appropriate policies by your government to diminish homophobia in Latvian society."
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http://gayswithoutborders.wordpress.com/2009/05/14/latvia-lettonie-riga-bans-baltic-pride/
