ONE ASPECT OF BEING GAY

The other day I was wondering about the notion of "what does it mean to be a gay nowadays". We are, as gays people, are living in a time that many departed gay men were dreaming of once because of the openness and recognition that GLBT communities are living now. I know that up to now few countries are granting gays and lesbians the right to get marry and adopt children just like any other heterosexual couple. Yet, there are MANY countries that gays and lesbians don't have laws and legislation to protect their rights of being who they are.

What really made me think about that is the idea that many people still have negative and preconceived ideas about gay people regardless of how "liberal" they may claim to be. Last week I was involved in a promotion committee for one of our senior staff. I was requested to give the promotion committee my feedback on about a senior staff performance as he was candidate for managerial position. Long story short, another colleague who happens to be working in the same department passed by on my office. He said" do you know that Mr. X is already enlisted in the promotion list" , "I know I have just finished my feedback about his performance", I replied. He looked at me then he said "Man, you act as you have not been here for centuries, the guy [takes it in the ass] I can not imagine working [under him]" he said with a dorky facial expression. I was really upset with such remark as I have known this guy to be one of the most professional men I have ever worked with and that fact that he is gay never bothered me at all. I told my colleague" As long this man has not asked me, or you, to bed., that is none of our business. Whether he [takes in the ass or give it ] that's not a problem for me. I respect him for his
professionalism and the nice attitude that he always had". "For how long will you be like that he is a fag???" he said. "I have work to do now see you later" that was my last sentence to him. My colleague left but his unjust words remained echoing in my head. How could he be so blind and only look at the sexual orientation of someone whom he hardly knew??? The good news is that Mr. X became a manger and I was one of the first people to congratulate him.

I mentioned that story to say that gay people, especially in the less fortunate countries where they don not have any laws and legislation, have a great responsibility to be "ambassadors" for their identities (just as the case with many minorities around the world). In the time where people have a very negative ideas about gays people the first thing to do is to change their ideas. This change can not be achieved by words and publications only. People need to see a living example to believe. Without such attitude and powerful presentations to who we are many people will stick to whatever they believe in. The mass believe in what they see more than what they hear.

When I grew up we had in our block a gay man. Everybody new about him but we as children never knew anything about him. I have seen me dad greeting him several times while I was growing up. The fate (I do not believe in coincidence) lead me to attend his funeral as I grew to be a friend to one of his sons. Many people attended the funeral. I was listening to people as they were talking about him and I was heading to the car with my brother. What I really remember is someone who said " In the Lord name we all shall miss him as he was one of the most charitable and kind hearted man". I asked mom, dad and all the elderly people about him and they said that he was one of the most benevolent men in the block and mostly everyone knew about his "secret" life (how come then it was a secret life if everyone knew about him?).

I knew then what all these people were talking about. They all had no problem with him and they accepted him as being gay but they never dared to say that in public. Were they hypocrite? Were they double face? What I know is that setting an example is always a great attribute to making people changing their minds positively about anything we wish to present to them. It is not being conformist as much as being a great ambassador to your own community.

Amor y paz